by Norman C. Berns

The Real MacGyver in Our Kit

August 29th, 2010

I’ve been looking deeper into our toolkits.  Those collections of indispensables that we think get us through our long days of work and reshoots.

When I asked people to name their one preeminent MUST HAVE out of all the little goodies in the kit – their Tool of All Tools – all the varied answers clustered down to a few.

The big tangible THING for many people was a multi-tool, that sort of MacGyver with a knife on one end, pliers on the other and a host of handy things (like screwdrivers) in the middle.  There are hundreds of examples.

I reviewed a few at http://www.reelgrok.com/review-detail.cfm?rid=127.  But it was the intangible MacGyvers that gave me real pause.

Near the top of most lists was ME, MYSELF and I.  Sometimes expressed exactly that way.  Sometimes translated as THOUGHT or BRAIN.  Or the most basic of tools to help our brain get focused: plain old pencil & paper.

That was the real takeaway out of all the answers to all the questions. It all boiled down to this….

Of all our tools, of all the goodies we schlep from job to job, the iPhones and Droids and all the little apps for this and that, our single most important tool is our ability to use the rest of the tools in the kit.  Or skip right by and do just fine without them.

While the state of our art is supported by an endless array of state-of-the-art gizmos and gimcracks, every single one of them is useless unless we’re smart enough to survive without them.

When I got my first computer, oh, a long time ago, I wrote an accounting program to automate my taxes.  It took me two years before I finally had carved out something that was functional.  And in that time I became so wrapped up in all the if and then of programming, I forget to file my taxes….

We love our toys, all the little tools in our kit.  But they’re only useful as long as we keep their purpose in mind.  Our goal is to create pictures out of printed words, turn passion into art, carve coherent stories from disjointed images.

We’re magicians making movies out of thin air, a well-turned phrase and finely tuned talent.

Using tools…?  Well….

The best cameras can only record images.  The best lights only add illumination.  The best sets only provide a background.  But delivering ART?   That’s something else, indeed.

Which of all our tools do you think does that best…?

Think about it….

The original survey is online at http://reelgrok.com/producerscut/?p=161.  The current review of multi-tools is at http://www.reelgrok.com/review-detail.cfm?rid=127

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Posted by Norman Berns in Creativity, Crew, Essentials, Marketing, Toolkit, Uncategorized, freelance, training | No Comments »

The WACCM Interview (in which secrets are revealed)….

July 29th, 2010

The following interview took place July 29, 2010, hosted by MIKKEL MADSEN for his LinkedIn group, WACCM TOO.  The session was all texted (no audio, no video) and it’s been copied and pasted below in its entirety.

You can access this identical interview (along with all its typos) at http://sn.im/waccm-interview, but become a free member of WACCM first.

Or maybe better, just read on….

Mikkel Madsen – Welcome Norman, how are you doing?

Norman C. Berns – Doing well. Just back from a trip to NY.

Mikkel Madsen – Great to meet you live Norman and welcome back home :-) I understand your trip to NY was work related. Please tell us about what it is you are working on at present?

Norman C. Berns – Mostly work. Got in a bit of pleasure, too. A trip up to Stratford to see Christopher Plummer in The Tempest. It was worth the miles.  But work…. I was meeting with people about my next project – probably a doc, most likely educational film.

Mikkel Madsen - Educational in what way and targeting who?

Norman C. Berns – My last series – The Writing Code – looked at the history of writing. The three shows were in development and production for about six years. I THINK they targeted upper high school and college, but they’re a pretty good view for anyone.

If I keep working on the writing series, it’ll be aimed toward college studies mostly. But I’m also working on other projects that’ll target high-schoolers.

Then again, I have this really good terror film on my desk and maybe I’ll take a year for guilty pleasures.

Mikkel Madsen – So you’re not only doing documentary and educational films. You also do fiction?

Norman C. Berns – Sure. Started in fiction and still love it. Took a long loop into documentary, but don’t intend to get locked here. Hope not anyway,

Mikkel Madsen- Just on your project about history of writing. Does it touch on social media like LinkedIn’s impact on our new expanded usage of writing to communicate?

Norman C. Berns – A good film – any kind of film, fact or fiction – tells us about the human condition. How we live, how we see each other. Oh sure, some get silly and wander off into LA-LA land, but good films create a world and explore it. In The Writing Code it was about understanding the meaning of writing. It’s one of those inventions that (almost) everyone takes for granted. But it changed (and still changes) our lives. In my terror script, it’s understanding and overcoming evil. Very different, but still….

It touches on new technology like LinkedIn, but only as an introduction. We did three hours that covered about 5000 years of history. If we ever make them, the fourth show will be about the digital revolution. The fifth will cover the power of writing (it’s the first thing that gets censored) and the sixth will look at how writing is (and will be) taught.

When we began the series, we were mourning the death of writing. It was getting harder and harder to publish. Or, more realistically, to make money from publications. While we were still in production, along came texting, a whole new form of writing that seems to be replacing verbal conversation. Fascinating stuff that’s still playing out. No easier to make money, but maybe that’s the next step.

Mikkel Madsen – Alright, jumping back to your recent Plummer experience. Talking about actors like Christophe Plummer: he makes me think “gentlemen” and one of the last old school actors of our time. Not sure if you would agree, but let me ask; if you had to choose. Who are your favorite actors/actresses of all times?

Norman C. Berns – Ohmygod, that’s an impossible question. There have been so many good actors over so many years. I think it has more to do with the role. Dustin Hoffman in Death of a Salesman gave one of the finest performances I’ve ever seen. Is he my favorite actor…? Well, he is in THAT role. Meryl Streep is a force of nature. Her work is incredible, but I’m not sure she’d be that good in every role. (Just the ones she’s done.) And Christopher Plummer is (for the moment), my favorite all-time Prospero.

Mikkel Madsen – I know, that was an evil question, especially when asking someone for whom film is his life.  :-) But thanks for sharing.

Norman C. Berns – Mikkel, the list goes on and on. But you’re welcome. It was kinda fun refreshing my brain.

Mikkel Madsen- In your LinkedIn profile you describe yourself as a professional filmmaker. Now, I’m familiar with the roles of film instructors and film producers. But filmmaker is kind of new to me. My guess would be that filmmaker is the actual “maker” and therefore kind of sit at the top of it all and manage the entire project – including the instructor and producer. Is that correct?

Norman C. Berns – Yeah, it is for me. I think all newbies start out as filmmakers (to match your definition). Lack of money gets everyone to learn how the lights light, how the dolly moves, how the truck (or the trunk) gets loaded every night. Docs are especially good at that. Two, three people are a crew. Four seems like a luxury. So you research and plan and schedule and shoot and edit….

Mikkel Madsen – Sounds like your professional passion is not just the film industry, but just as much working with smaller projects or might I say smaller budgets, and therefore smaller teams, kind of like start-ups for each new film project! Please correct me if I’m wrong.

Norman C. Berns – I love the industry because I love the process. Where else, in what other job, does anyone get to pick an incredibly narrow concept and learn all about, talk to world-leading scholars, pick and choose who to work with, then build all the pieces, put on a tux and go to the opening…? And then move on to another project just as complex and involving. It’s better than sex. Wait. I didn’t really mean that. But it’s pretty damn good.

Now big features are like that, too, except you get to work with an entire army of highly skilled technicians and artists. Oh, it’s heady, exciting stuff. I can’t imagine doing anything else.

Mikkel Madsen – Is that what made you establish the company ReelGrok? You describe it as a universe for filmmakers around the globe with all resources available. Can you explain who actually uses reelgrok today, how it is funded/makes money and what your vision is for reelgrok?

Norman C. Berns – Reelgrok (now fashionably re-branded in all lower case as “reelgrok”) is my love. Maybe because I had good mentors – or maybe because I just like the people who make movies – I love to teach. Didn’t know that until I did it, but it’s an exciting thing for me. Exciting when people call/write years after to let me know their projects are in the works. But I don’t want to stay home and teach, road time is limited and I don’t want to settle in at some film school. So I set up reelgrok where I can provide information, resources….

How is it funded…? Well, sometimes it’s not. But we’re getting better all the time. We charge a small fee for membership – $75 a year (which we actually try to give back in discounts). And we’ve been lucky enough to add a few advertisers and sponsors. In coming months it looks like we’ll be adding more.

Mikkel Madsen – So you offer yourself as an online mentor or maybe more correct coach to new young filmmakers?

Norman C. Berns – Sure. Lots of it is gratis. So many people have basic questions and don’t know where to turn for an answer. So I try to spend a few hours every day answering questions that come in. When it gets too complex, I charge for my time, of course.

BTW, I’m not the only one who does that. As just one example, look at someone like Ted Hope. A major producer, more than sixty films to his credit, an armload of awards…. But he finds time to blog and Tweet and post almost every day. Film, after all, is a collaborative art and our work depends on the people around us. And if we don’t help train them, who will…?

Mikkel Madsen- You own and manage another online community called The Budgeting Group. How does this link in with reelgrok, if it does?

Norman C. Berns – The Budgeting Group is much the same thing, but with a very narrow focus. I was part of the team that developed a short-lived budgeting program call ProductionPro. Because it was aimed at newbies, I found myself fielding a lot of basic budgeting questions. I started the group so that there were more voices available to help. The program was eventually abandoned by its backers. But the group lived on.

Mikkel Madsen- How many registered members or users does The Budgeting Group have today?

Norman C. Berns - Oh, I think there are about 3000, though most aren’t very active.

Mikkel Madsen – For my live interviews in WACCM TOO group, I have had very little response from female group members wanting to be interviewed. While I get hundreds of male members contacting me! But on the contrary, women seem to be most active when it comes to asking interviewees follow up questions in the group.

Why do you think this is so?   Big question, but maybe you have similar experiences from your online communities in regards to who first gets involved….

Norman C. Berns – Interesting question. I’m sure there’s some inherent reason for it, but, but, but…. Let’s just call it an odd bit of chance and let it go at that (before we both get into trouble here)…. If you like, I can suggest some very verbal women who might like to participate. We’ll talk.

Mikkel Madsen- I’ll let you off on this one, but will keep asking around and let you know if I do get any closer to a more valid answer….

When not working with films or watching films, how do you enjoy life?  and I’m not looking for anything too intimate :-)

Norman C. Berns – I’m a serious cook. Read my blogs – they all seem to start or end with food. If the house were on fire, I’d grab my films first, then my pots and knives. My knives were my first serious purchase when I came to NY, straight out of college.

At least during the summer, it helps that I’ve become an avid gardener. The tomatoes are coming in. The peppers (hot) are ripening. I’m pretty happy puttering there. Even happier cooking all the goodies.

The hell with the films – I can always get copies. I’d go for the knives. Pots. Cookbooks….

Mikkel Madsen- We seem to have some shared passions. I’m an ex-cook and next week I expect to pick the first home grown tomatoes in my garden.

My wife is a sucker for the British cook Jamie Oliver. I believe he just did a tour in America as part of his world tours and TV programs. His pretty good, so if you don’t know him, you should have a look for his web site and books….

Norman C. Berns – Sure, I know him. Well intentioned (and a decent cook) but, I fear, a bit jarring on some of the locals here in the US. We seem to love our addictions and bad habits more than anything, even reality….

I wish I’d studied cooking. Don’t know why I didn’t. I arrived in NY with a typewriter, a small box of clothes and a set of spices. That’s not a joke.  I really carried my own spices cross country.  But I guess the typewriter won out.

Mikkel Madsen – Norman, are you up for a handful of quick last but not especially easy questions?  Okay,  first: In your opinion what is today the biggest threat to America’s film industry?

Norman C. Berns – Quick, huh…?  Okay, I’d say that America’s film industry is killing itself. The Big Guys are killing everything but their own tentpole productions. Big bucks, overpaid stars, junk remakes of remade junk films. Hate it.

Mikkel Madsen- Talking about old or bad food habits and subsequently health. What do you think about health care in America today and is it improving?

Norman C. Berns – Short answers. Terrible and NO…. Long answers. Worldwide food is dominated by a handful of major corporations that sell junk like high-fructose corn syrup. Their whole economy is based on peddling that crap. Worse, the US government (meaning MY tax dollars) subsidizes corn which is turned into corn syrup and pushed on people all around the world. It’s terrible.

We are grossly overweight, addicted to sugars, overloaded on salt and dying off far too young. The US has the highest medical costs in the world, but terrible numbers for longevity, disease, every bad thing.

Mikkel Madsen – Is North Korea serious or just blowing their horns?

Norman C. Berns – North Korea, huh…? Quite a leap.  Okay, I think that, like Iran, these are countries run by borderline crazy people. Obsessive, buried in worlds of their own making. And there’s no telling what they might do. Odds are good they won’t do something idiotic. Then again, they have a long history of exactly that.

Li Chow – Before you start production, do you think about the distribution and marketing aspects of the film? If so, with the international box office getting higher than domestic, do you take into consideration how to distribute and market the film outside of the US?

Norman C. Berns- The most important tasks for a new filmmaker are marketing and promotion. I’d set them about equal with producing the film.  50% producing, 50% selling.  The odds are very slim that any indie film will be picked up by an old-school distributor. There are fewer of them to approach and many fewer outlets that welcome indie films. So the entire task of marketing and promotion (and often the actual distribution, too) falls to the filmmaker. Isn’t that a terrible thing…?

Of course, if you can’t explain to your investor how you’ll return their investment – EXACTLY how you’ll return their investment with a profit – you have a slim chance of getting their money in the first place.

The job is so huge, Jon Reiss coined the new production category, “Producer of Marking & Distribution” or the PMD. It’s detailed in his book ,“Think Outside the Box Office. And he blogged about it recently….

I came up with the idea when trying to think of a solution to the enormous amount of work that distribution and marketing can be for filmmakers without a distributor. The concept boils down to the fact that you didn’t make film on your own – why should you release them on your own.

The concept seems to be gaining traction. I wrote about the job after 25% of my Perth and Adelaide workshops indicated that they wanted to be PMDs.  In Adelaide, the SA Film Corporation has plans to set up an in house PMD to help support the distribution efforts of independent filmmakers in South Australia.

Also just this week, Adam Daniel Mezei wrote a blog post about the responsibilities of a PMD and has set himself up as a PMD for Hire.

I feel that this beginning indicates that there a huge numbers of potential PMDs in the world who love films, don’t want to be on set and love the work of distribution and marketing. These are the people we filmmakers should seek out to be our PMDs.

This August I will be heading to the University Film and Video Conference (for US film school profs) to give 2 presentations on how and why to teach film distribution and marketing to film students. This is not just so that writer/directors can be aware of the realities of the world that awaits them, it is also to train a new generation of PMDs (and their support crew).

Filmmakers also have to consider all the potential tax incentives and sales outlets everywhere in the world, not just wherever they may be standing. Fortunately, it’s a much smaller world these days – or at least more accessible – but the task is still huge and the job onerous.

And we thought we’d grow up to be artists…!

Mikkel Madsen – Norman, it’s time to close our live chat ….

It was a pleasure chatting with you as part of my live interviews and I look forward to explore other possible cooperation opportunities. But for now I’ll thank you for your time and “hand you over” to the group :-)

For details about coming live interviews, how to put your own name forward for an interview or recommend others for consideration or become group sponsor, kindly contact me on mm@waccmtoo.com.

My very best wishes,
Mikkel

Posted by Norman Berns in Big Business, Creativity, Distribution, Food, Marketing, Newbies, budget, obsession, training | 1 Comment »

The Stuff of Our Lives

May 27th, 2010

What’s a filmmaker’s most important tool?  That essential thing we have to have no matter what else…?

I asked that question in various groups and online forums and several hundred answers came in.  Of course, the best tool depends on the work at hand, so even while many were job-specific, most seemed to be basic and surprisingly universal.

  • No doubt smart phones would have topped the list if they hadn’t been excluded.  They’re still so pervasive that a few slipped through as the tool of choice, either stated or implied.

…other than my phone, my best tool is….

It replaced my laptop, my camera, my video camera, my Avid, my GPS, my LA411, my Thomas Guide and my bottle opener. Can’t use it as a Leatherman or Gaffer’s tape yet…. Oh well, nothing is perfect.

  • Software was mentioned most often.  Whether on a computer or in the cloud, it included programs for production (budgeting, scheduling, writing, presenting, organizing) and instant messaging (Skype and others) and social networking (Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn).  (12.9%)

Nothing worse in a strange town than having no idea where to get a decent meal.

I moved online and freed my company from the IT burden.

  • A close second was the computer itself. I suspect that it’s not really the machines we love, but all the software tools they hold.  Those two categories – computers and software – we’re far and away the top choices.  (11.2%)

The knowledge of the universe is no further away than a mouse click.

I can even live without my phone. Yes I said it; I can. But my laptop is my life – can’t leave home without it.

Our addiction to technology aside, some of the best picks were surprisingly practical, every day hand tools.

  • The Multi-tool, whether it was a Gerber, Leatherman or Swiss Army knife. (6.9%)

In terms of hardcore survival, this is the one thing I can’t be without.

  • Pencil, paper, pens and Sharpies were all emotional favorites, though often sloughed off as “old school.” (6.0%)

…nothing beats a pen and some paper to jot down a lead, a breakthrough, a to-do item

  • Sound quality was a major issue for many, whether it was software, a home recording studio, the ideal microphone or careful planning for the session. (5.5%)

A great sound track will often blow a client away, more then visual effects.

I’ve won awards because my product sounded as good as it looked.

  • A brain and/or creativity (4.3%)

It’s what enables me to make do with what I have when what I have is not enough.

By far I use creativity more than any other object or attribute

Its battery never runs down

  • Cameras were popular.  Some implied “the camera in my phone,” but others focused on stand-alone SLRs. (3.5%)

It goes wherever I go and I never leave home without it.

  • Many (including me) picked their GPS for location survival.  (2.5%)

My other tools aren’t of much value if I can’t find the location….

  • Gaffers tape (or duct tape) was a frequent (and well-loved) nominee (2.5%)

The world in general runs on gaffers tape….

It even fixed a leak in my car’s radiator….

  • Coffee was selected only once, but remained an unspoken essential.  At least in my life.  So it’s included.

…when the brain needs a morning jumpstart.

  • Patience, too, only made the list once, but it was implied frequently

My best tool, though l can’t always remember where I put it.

About 50% of the tools were one-ups and those were often the most interesting.  Some were really surprising, too, good ideas I hadn’t thought of, but should have.  The job at hand can be clearly seen in many of them.  Most could be put to use by almost everyone.

  • 3 Hole Punch

Without it how would I organize all the POs & backup?

  • 5-Button Mouse

You wouldn’t believe how much more productive I get, how much better I stay on task when I can keep one hand on the mouse.

  • Airbrush

I’m a big fan of airbrush cosmetics for the HD market

  • Aluminum Clip Board
  • Business Cards

I’ve never met a business card I didn’t like!

  • Baby Wipes
  • Batteries

For all those mics….

  • Binder Clips

I use them for binding paper together (duh), holding callsheets, holding a hand mic or earwig, making a larger zipper tab that’s easier to grab with heavy gloves, keeping gloves, mittens, socks paired together, clipping the ends of rolled tubes of paper, a great cable tie, an impressive money clip, holding the skin on a stuffed turkey while roasting, temporary hem holder (while looking for duct tape), closing the end of a tube when it has a blow out, holding fine wires while soldering, pinching off tubing to stop the flow of whatever, temporary curtain hold back….

  • Bolt Cutters

When an employee who is supposed to open the parking lot has slept in, I simply cut the lock and get to my shoot on time.

  • Broadband Card
  • Car keys (spare set)
  • Canon i80 Printer

Love it.  And it fits in my backpack,

  • Clothes Pins
  • Compass
  • Cooler

It holds water, sandwiches and snacks. It fits in the front seat of the car for easy access. There are side pockets where I can store an external hard drive without worrying about it getting hot in the car.

  • Day Timer

Keep it handy for notes and sketches.  I guess my age is showing!

  • Ears

I listen to exactly what a person is saying because behind that language is pain, confidence, fear, love or a need for love. We are in the business of communication yet…  The silence says everything.

  • Ear buds
  • First Aid Kit
  • Keffiyah

Not just for wrapping around my neck or head, but to wrap delicate equipment in unforeseen circumstances, as a towel, a small camera bean bag, a pillow, a sun screen, great for diffusing strong light coming through unavoidable windows….  I thought the most obvious answer would be a roll of gaffer tape but my keffiyah has even been used to tie things together.

  • LA411

I wish every production city had its own 411.

  • Laser Range Finder

It’s saved my ass more than a few times. It’s nice to know when the trucks will really fit under that bridge with the missing clearance markings.

  • LED Camera Light

Runs on standard v-mount batteries and packs a lot of light in a small package.  I take it everywhere.

  • Light Meters
  • Lists – Crew, Cast & Vendors, Call Sheets and To-Do Lists

Especially my old ones.  With notes and numbers of hundreds of contacts.

  • McCallan’s 14
  • Mini Maglight

Always on my Belt Rig. Monitor Hood

  • Penny

Cheapest screwdriver EVER.  Flat-head only, bit that’s what tripod screws are anyway.

  • Peter

The only person mentioned by name was “my coordinator and friend extraordinaire”

  • Power Converter

To run a teleprompter or light from car’s cigarette lighter

  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
  • Road Cones
  • Rolling Measure
  • Scanner

Almost all production paperwork gets scanned into an Acrobat file. Makes storage & organization a breeze,  Makes everything easily transportable especially via e-mail.

  • Socks

A nice clean pair of thick socks.  All these electronic gadgets make our jobs easier, faster and more productive, but I can still do my job without them. After 12 hours on my feet with more to go however, it’s fresh socks!

  • Stopwatch
  • Tilley Hat
  • Turnpike Express Pass
  • Velcro
  • Whiteout

Tombo is the best made.

  • Wireless Headset
  • Work Gloves

All-leather are (sometimes) best, but at least they should have leather palms. Keeps your hands from getting chewed up/burned/etc.

  • Zip Ties / Cable Ties

And in our endlessly insane world, it all boils down to my single favorite.  Okay, one of my favorites.  Alright, it’s on my list.  And yes, yes, it’s a very, very long list….

  • A Cup of Chamomile Tea and the Pocket Pema Chodron

Good for reminding me that oftentimes, what I need most is simply to be present in the moment.

You’ll find more comments (along with some of my personal favorites) in reelgrok’s reviews.  When you need to add Production Knowhow to your kit, you’ll find the tools (and great discounts) in The GrokShop.

Stuff of our Lives

by Norman C. Berns

What’s a filmmakers most important tool? That essential thing we have to have no matter what else?

I asked that question in various groups and online forums. Several hundred answers came in, most with surprisingly interesting choices. Of course, the best tool depends on the work at hand, so while many were job-specific, most seemed to be both basic and universal.

No doubt smart phones would have topped the list if they hadn’t been excluded. They’re still so pervasive that a few slipped through as the tool of choice, either stated or implied.

· …other than my phone, my best tool is….

Software was mentioned most often. Whether on a computer or in the cloud, it included programs for production (budgeting, scheduling, writing, presenting, organizing) and instant messaging (Skype and others) and social networking (Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn). (12.9%)

· Nothing worse in a strange town than having no idea where to get a decent meal

· I moved online and freed my company from the IT burden

A close second was the computer itself. I suspect that it’s not really the machines we love, but all the software tools they hold. Those two categories – computers and software – we’re far and away the top choices. (11.2%)

·The knowledge of the universe is no further away than a mouse click.

·I can even live without my phone. Yes I said it; I can. But my laptop is my life.

·Can’t leave home without it.

Our addiction to technology aside, some of the best picks were surprisingly practical, every day hand tools.

The Multi-tool, whether it was a Gerber, Leatherman or Swiss Army knife. (6.9%)

· In terms of hardcore survival, this is the one thing I can’t be without.

Pencil, paper, pens and Sharpies were all emotional favorites, though often sloughed off as “old school.” (6.0%)

· …nothing beats a pen and some paper to jot down a lead, a breakthrough, a to-do item

A brain and/or creativity (4.3%)

· It’s what enables me to make do with what I have when what I have is not enough.

· By far I use creativity more than any other object or attribute

· Its battery never runs down

Cameras were popular. Some implied “the camera in my phone,” but others focused on stand-alone SLRs. (3.5%)

· It goes wherever I go and I never leave home without it.

Many (including me) picked their GPS for location survival. (2.5%)

· My other tools aren’t of much value if I can’t find the location….

Gaffers tape (or duct tape) was a frequent (and well-loved) nominee (2.5%)

· The world in general runs on gaffers tape….

· It even fixed a leak in my car’s radiator….

Coffee was selected only once, but remained an unspoken essential. At least in my life. So it’s included.

· …when the brain needs a morning jumpstart.

Patience, too, was selected only once, but implied frequently

· My best tool, though l can’t always remember where I put it.

About 50% of the tools were one-ups and these were often the most interesting. Some were really surprising, too, good ideas I hadn’t thought of, but should have. The job at hand can be clearly seen in many of them. Most could be put to use by almost everyone.

3 Hole Punch

· Without it how would I organize all the POs & backup?

5-Button Mouse

· You wouldn’t believe how much more productive I get, how much better I stay on task when I can keep one hand on the mouse.

Aluminum Clip Board

Business Cards

· I’ve never met a business card I didn’t like!

Baby Wipes

Batteries

· For all those mics….

Binder Clips

· I use them for binding paper together (duh), holding callsheets, holding a hand mic or earwig, making a larger zipper tab that’s easier to grab with heavy gloves, keeping gloves, mittens, socks paired together, clipping the ends of rolled tubes of paper, a great cable tie, an impressive money clip, holding the skin on a stuffed turkey while roasting, temporary hem holder (while looking for duct tape), closing the end of a tube when it has a blow out, holding fine wires while soldering, pinching off tubing to stop the flow of whatever, temporary curtain hold back….

Bolt Cutters

· When an employee who is supposed to open the parking lot has slept in, I simply cut the lock and get to my shoot on time.

Broadband Card

Car keys (spare set)

Canon i80 Printer

· Love it. And it fits in my backpack,

Clothes Pins

Compass

Cooler

· It holds water, sandwiches and snacks. It fits in the front seat of the car for easy access. There are side pockets where I can store an external hard drive without worrying about it getting hot while in the car.

Day Timer

· Keep it handy for notes and sketches. I guess my age is showing!

Ears

· I listen to exactly what a person is saying because behind that language is pain, confidence, fear, love or a need for love. We are in the business of communication yet… The silence says everything.

Ear buds

Keffiyah

· Not just for wrapping around my neck or head, but to wrap delicate equipment in unforeseen circumstances, as a towel, a small camera bean bag, a pillow, a sun screen, great for diffusing strong light coming through unavoidable windows…. I thought the most obvious answer would be a roll of gaffer tape but my keffiyah has even been used to tie things together.

LA411

· I wish every production city had its own 411.

Laser Range Finder

· It’s saved my ass more than a few times. It’s nice to know when the trucks will really fit under that bridge with the missing clearance markings.

Lists – Crew, Cast & Vendors, Call Sheets and To-Do Lists

· My old ones. With notes and numbers of hundreds of contacts.

McCallan’s 14

Mics

Mini Maglight

· Always on my Belt Rig.

Monitor Hood

Penny

· Cheapest screwdriver EVER. Flat-head only, bit that’s what tripod screws are anyway.

Peter

· The only person mentioned by name was “my coordinator and friend extraordinaire”

Power Converter

· To run a teleprompter or light from car’s cigarette lighter

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

Road Cones

Rolling Measure

Scanner

· Almost all production paperwork gets scanned into an Acrobat file. Makes storage & organization a breeze, Makes everything easily transportable especially via e-mail.

Socks

· A nice clean pair of thick socks. All these electronic gadgets make our jobs easier, faster and more productive, but I can still do my job without them. After 12 hours on my feet with more to go however, it’s fresh socks!

Stopwatch

Turnpike Express Pass

Whiteout

· Tombo is the best made

Wireless Headset

Work Gloves

· All-leather are (sometimes) best, but at least they should have leather palms. Keeps your hands from getting chewed up/burned/etc.

Zip Ties / Cable Ties

And in our endlessly insane world, it all boils down to my single favorite. Okay, one of my favorites. Alright, it’s on my list. Yes, yes, it’s a very long list….

A Cup of Chamomile Tea and the Pocket Pema Chodron

· Good for reminding me that oftentimes, what I need most is simply to be present in the moment.

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Posted by Norman Berns in Basics, Cheap, Creativity, Essentials, Memory, Scheduling, Toolkit, budget, guide, survival | 16 Comments »

Twelve Steps to Freelance Survival

May 4th, 2010

Berns Audio Wandering minstrels, that’s what we are.  Indie filmmaking has done that to us.  We move from job to job, working wherever work rears its pretty little head.  We love the glamor and glitz of The Business, but the best of us grows weary of the road, never knowing where the next road will lead or when we’re due to pack up this one and leave for the next.

Freelance survival ain’t easy.  But it sure is a whole lot better than anything else I’ve found.

From time to time I’ve wandered into a full time job with a stable salary.  I marvel at the easiness of the work.  Suddenly my nights are free.  Weekends, too.  There’s a real vacation with pay.  And a check at the end of every week. No job hunting, no butterflies at the end of every month.  It’s amazing.  Does everyone know about this…?

Terribly boring, alas, but amazing still.

No matter the hiatus, I always return to freelancing, love struck and happy to be home.  Over too many years, the highs and lows have leveled into familiar patterns, waves I’ve learned to ride.  Even at its worst, I miss it when it’s gone.

So what’s my secrets for survival?  Here’s the top dozen things I’ve learned.

  1. Being freelance is not the same as being unemployed, no matter what your mother tells you.  This is a full-time job, 24/7.  Head up, shoulders back.
  2. Save some money.  Not easy when next week’s funds are uncertain.  But even a  buck or two stashed away every day can add up quite nicely after 20 years or so.
  3. No matter how good (or slick) your accountant may be, pay your taxes.  And when you’re hired, you’re an employee no matter what the producers may tell you.  Don’t let them get away with avoiding their share of your taxes.  That’s YOUR money they’re trying to steal.
  4. Take a vacation.  Go on, you’ve earned it.  Take 10% of whatever you’ve saved this year and blow it.  (Sorry, I meant to say, INVEST it in a business trip…. ) Bad year?  Spend two weeks eating Hagan Daaz and watching matinees, but take a break.
  5. Take copious notes.  Your career depends on their accuracy.  Organize meticulously; it’s the only way you can reach the people you need when you really need to reach them.
  6. Know the things you need to know, whatever your field.  Stay atop every new wave.  Budget for seminars and expos, too.  Like I said, this job is 24/7.
  7. Learn the things you don’t need to know.  No one needs to know someone who only knows the bare essentials of the craft.  There’s bread; and then there’s cake.  Learn to savor them both.
  8. Never get sloppy.  Dress for work.  Sit up in your chair.  Everyone you call can feel your mood; everyone knows what you’re wearing.  No, really, they do.  Hey, YOU, sit up….
  9. Follow through.  Your leads are your lifeblood and they deserve a “please” and a “thank you.”  Want real impact? Send a real handwritten letter.  With real spelling.  CUL8R may be cute to your friends, but it’s a PITA to all your business associates.  Think business, not BS.
  10. Spend your spare time teaching whatever you know.  Sharing your smarts is easy without any loss to you.  Even better, that’s how you become known as an expert.
  11. Fill your personal toolkit with business essentials.  And personal frivolities, too.  A framed pictures of someone you love.  (No true love…?  You’ve been on the road way too long.)  Speakers for sound.  WiFi for the world and a mini-printer to get it all down.  Whatever.  Just stay connected to your universe.
  12. Everyone has quite enough problems already.  Don’t add your own.  If you want to work again, be the one who brings in the solutions.

Are there another dozen?  Probably that and many more.  So now that you’ve seen mine, why not show me yours? 

Hurry.  I’ve got a plane to catch….

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Posted by Norman Berns in Creativity, Uncategorized, freelance, guide, obsession, passion, survival | 3 Comments »

When Life Gives You Lemons….

May 3rd, 2010

My Meyer Lemon tree is in full fruit.  If I lived on a patch of green in Los Angeles, that wouldn’t be noteworthy.  Hell, a chopstick will bloom in LA if you give it enough water.

Except I’m in a house in Minneapolis where the remnants of a sub-zero winter are still a recent memory.  And my poor little lemon tree survived an infestation of heaven-only-knows-what last year, only to be rendered into a few dull leaves stuck on a bit of trunk stuck in a bit of soil stuck in an old clay pot.

Meyer LemonFortunately for me and my Meyer Lemon, my muse Alicia has never lost faith in the potential of the malformed and misbegotten.  Under her watchful eye and ever-gentle nurturing, Meyer and I survived the Minnesota winter.  And we have thrived.

If you don’t know Meyer Lemons, let me explain my unbridled excitement.  First off, she’s a bit of a mess, leaves and branches sprouting hither and yon, with no sense of the “proper way” little trees are meant to grow.  Still, through the rubble of her growth, symmetry be damned, there’s something of beauty there.  It just takes a bit of extra time to see it.

Once past the disarray, her leaves are dark and richly green; her flowers a soft maroon-white with a room-filling aroma that’s seductive and alluring, rich with the scent of sweet citrus and honey.  Her buds are plentiful, each birthing a tiny green globe.

Almost two months after it began, my tree is now heavy with little fruits nestled amid her green leaves, each globe tugging its branch lower to the ground day by day. And even as her fruit grows, majestic white flowers continue to bloom and fruit and scent the entire room.  Like a good lover, she is endlessly tantalizing and lush and generous with her bounty.

Before long, those little green lemons will grow golden and round and decidedly edible, with a taste that’s almost Meyer Lemon Greenorange but not quite, almost lemon but not quite.  It will be mostly sweet with an undertone of sour and a peel as good as the inner fruit.  When you first share your mouth with a Meyer Lemon, you know you’ve never tasted anything like it before.  And you know you want more of it.

My sweet Meyer is greater than the sum of her parts and better than her lineage.  She’s a surprise, a delight to the eye and the palate and the mind.  Whoever tastes her sweetness is left marveling at whatever transformation delivered such unique sweetness, so unlike the industrial-level, one-note, supermarket lemon.

Movies are supposed to be like that, too.  The good ones anyway, the ones worth biting into.

The best movies take time and nurturing to survive.  They need to be a little surprising and greater than the sum of all their parts.  Almost palpably alive, great films deliver a whole world, first with sweet seduction, then slowing revealing everything of themselves, bit by sweet bit, until they stand before you, exposed and naked.

AHA, you say, so that was what the opening seduction had been about.  Now I see, now I know, now I can make it mine.

And you open yourself up to inhale something richer, sweeter, greater than the sum of all its parts.

Films are immediate things, meant to be discovered and explored, captured and ravaged, consumed and ingested.  And meant to be revisited, too, like old friends, welcome any time, rich with wisdom and history, comfortable in their own skin, yet lush enough to be savored again and over again.

Meyer Lemon YellowOf late it seems that far too many films are over and done as fast as they came.  A one-night-stand best viewed in a darkened room and followed by a quick shower.

What a shame, what a waste.

Movies have the potential to be art.  Real art, not some lemon of a grindhouse supermarket closeout, but a thing of beauty.  Rare and special.  Not something flat and stale, but a whole world of surprises and adventures.

That choice is ours.  After all, we are the creators.

Every time we dream another film into existence, we get to make that choice all over again.  We can sledgehammer home one sour note.  Or nurture the impossible and uncover subtle variations with the power to turn lemons into art.  Before we begin, we need to know what kind of world we want to create and savor.

I want a world where I get to watch my sweet lemons grow.  I want to savor her scents and be seduced by her flowers.  I want to drink deep of the best damn lemonade I’ve ever tasted.

All that in one sweet little metaphor nestled on my windowsill.   What will you choose to grow…?

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Posted by Norman Berns in Grindhouse, Junk Food, Muse, Nurture, Palate, Seduction, art, passion | 1 Comment »

The Business of Show

March 23rd, 2010

We all work in sales.

Alas, not many of us planned for that.  We prefer to think of ourselves as artists.  Artistes.  Or at the very least artisans.  We have studied, trained, fought and starved for our belief in the fine art of SHOW business.  Not many of us aimed for the sales department.

Right?

Wrong!

We all work in sales no matter our job or title.  Writers sell scripts to producers.  Directors sell their productions to actors and disbelieving DPs.  Producers sell to everyone – investors, directors, back to writers for the umpteenth rewrite, disbelieving editors….  (And everyone, turn by turn, sells their own visions right back to the director and producer.)

Fact is, we all sell all the time to everyone.  We’re all in show BUSINESS.  We all know that in our heart of hearts; we just don’t want to believe it.

Face it.  If you’re not selling, you’re not doing your job.  If you’re not good at selling your scripts, ideas, vision, passion, the odds are good that you’re out of work right now.  Want to work?  Accept your fate.

Time to toughen up.  They lied to you in film school.  Get over it and get to work.  Given that sales are a given for your survival, here are five steps to guide you.

1.      Know exactly who you’re talking to. The meeting is over if you begin, “Dear Sir and/or Madam….” Do your homework before you open your mouth.

2.      Understand the needs of the person you’re pitching.  If you can’t solve specific problems, move on.  No one wants more problems; people want solutions.

3.      Explain why you are the best choice.  (Or your film, idea, script, talent, whatever.)  Never, ever bash the competition; if you can’t stand on your own, move on.  Quickly.

4.      Believe in yourself and your project, completely and unalterably.  Anything less will come through like a grease stain on your best white shirt.

5.      Picture the results, not the process.  Never explain your film, never lay it out line by boring line.  Show the finished film with your words.  Share your vision.  You are, after all, a filmmaker.

There are more rules, of course, more guidelines.  But these five will stop the door from slamming against you on your way out.

One major thought worth noting.  You have, at most, five minutes to accomplish all this and make your sale.  No joke – five minutes. If you haven’t closed the deal by then, close the door on your way out. The meeting is over.

That’s not as hard as you think.

Consider how much information gets crammed into one thirty-second commercial.  You have ten times that to do the same.  The secret is the kind of precision and passion that comes from endless practice, deep belief and an overarching passion.

That and a very clear vision of your goal.

Now get out there and make the sale.

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Posted by Norman Berns in Sales, pitch | 4 Comments »

Guess Who’s in Charge Now…?

March 17th, 2010

I’d long since grown used to handing my films over to some faceless distributor who showered me with golden promises and called it rain.  Sometimes the magic worked, sometimes I was ripped off like a greenhorn.

Most times my film fell into a hole, where apparently the rabbit ate all the good, green stuff.

That steam model – distributor at the top, filmmaker at the bottom – has given rise to more nasty metaphors than any column could support.  For a long while, we had no choice.  But now social media has come marching in, toppling everything we thought we knew about distribution.  The high and mighty voice of The One has been replaced with the mumble of millions.

I have seen the future and it is good.

Old style distribution and its Rolodex have gone the way of the three-martini- lunch.  (Shame, that….) We don’t start our day with corn flakes and a copy of Variety anymore.

Our films are more likely seen on YouTube and Vimeo than screened at the Rialto or the Cineplex.  Our new distribution platform starts (or ends) with Xbox and PlayStation. We hold the new silver screen in the palm of our hands, our marketing focuses on Facebook and LinkedIn, our funding begins on IndieGoGo and KickStarter.  Tweet on.

With no one home behind our distributor’s World Wide door, we’re all left on our own.  Not only are we expected to grease the wheels, now we have to turn the crank, too.

We’re all strangers in this brave new land of DIY distribution.  Suddenly we have no one to blame for slow sales except ourselves.  I suppose it’s more democratic without elites behind the desk, but here we stand, naked, negotiating with ourselves.  There are no more scapegoats for all our woes.

Like it or not, ready or not, the future has arrived anyway.  Galumph, galumph, galumph…. Move along or it will stomp you down.

It’s time to come to grips with the new bugaboos (and heady power) of promotion and marketing and distribution.   Don’t know how to do that job?  That’s funny, because it’s NUMBER ONE on the list.

There are ten steps in all.  And we all have to take them, one by one, if we hope to have our movies seen.

  1. Surround yourself with pros who know how to handle tasks better than you.  If you’re the smartest person in the room, find another room.
  2. Know the audience for your show.  Work with specifics, not generalities.  See them, feel them, touch them.
  3. Plan your marketing and promotion.  Budget for every step of it.  Then budget more money.  Marketing is not a task for the feint-of-heart or the thin-of-wallet.
  4. Build a website that’s smarter than sunshine  and as seductive as a spider’s web.  Now stat the the task of luring your audience home.
  5. Start networking now.  Plan to tweet, blog, e-blast, post, teach, lecture or screen every day from now until you start your next film.  Film festival prizes are great, but courting the audience is even better.  Face time is much better than Facebook.
  6. If you’re not selling, you’re not doing your job.  Your job?  It’s to sell your script, sell your production, sell your ideas to your actors, sell your film to your audience.  Sell.
  7. Plan every step of your marketing and distribution before you start to make your movie.
  8. Think ROI, but understand that “profit” is measured in more ways than money.  Know exactly why your investors invested.  And what they want in return.
  9. Give away far more than you ever hope to sell.  If you don’t leave a trail of breadcrumbs, no one will follow you to your movie.
  10. Write a business plan that’s honest, complex and profound, insightful, exciting and seductive.  Make it as tenacious as a fishhook.  Let it seduce your investors, entice your audience and guide you into production.

Good luck.  We may all be alone now, but we’re all in this together.

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Posted by Norman Berns in Budgeting, Crowd Funding, Distribution, Marketing, Promotion | 10 Comments »

(The Other) Roger & Me

February 17th, 2010

I just read an interview with Roger Ebert. Surgeries have finally removed his cancer, but left him unable to eat or drink. Or talk. He called it a gift from the gods – all his desires had been replaced by all his memories of satiety.

http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2010/01/nil_by_mouth.html

I froze, unsatisfied with my memories, undone by my own terrors, running mental slide shows of the Roger I once knew, a man incapable of containing his passions, a whirlwind, a mind unfamiliar with the concept of abstinence.

Roger and I went to the same college. He was already one of the elite, already published and traveled and destined for things far outside a Midwestern campus. When our paths crossed, he was editor of the school newspaper and I was his drama critic. (He was very good at this job, I was infinitely less so, but that’s beside the point.)

What I knew then, what I remember now is his passion. A passion for words mostly, but for damn near everything else, too.

My routine was to see a play on campus, then rush to the newsroom to churn out a review before the paper went to press. That gave me about an hour at most, to deliver my art on demand. My date de noir would purse her mouth and prink, tapping her little foot to mark her impatience. “Maybe I should just go home, we can meet next week. Or something….”

I was never good about choosing between art and love. “No, no, I’m almost done here, just a few (hundred) words to go. Wait, wait….”

Invariably, one rewrite from perfection, Roger would burst into the room, larger than the room, louder than the room. And leap onto the communal “desk” that spanned from door to wall, announcing that everyone’s copy was late, that the typesetters were tired of waiting and, louder still, that Thomas Wolfe was the finest writer who ever lived, Shakespeare and Proust be damned.

“A poem, a leaf, a door,” he’d begin, words flowing from memory, filling the space like maple syrup of the mind. It mesmerized the lot of us on Monday. By Wednesday we still paid some attention. At Friday’s end, our ears were closed and we typed on.

If Roger saw, he’d jar us back. Feet solidly planted in Wolfe, he’d leap from the gospels of Goddard and Fellini to Bergman and Kubrick, lunge from film to Pound and Elliot, Mann and Joyce, from the best pizza in town to the little dive that had the richest barbeque….

What he loved the most was goading anyone into argument. He would lay trails of verbal crumbs to trap us. “No, I don’t’ think so…” someone would say.

Roger would light up, puff up, pounce up, joyous to find a worthy sparring mate. His words were weapons to shred any opponent who failed to meet him on even ground. Bruce Lee in battle with the knowledge ninjas.

I’m sure Roger still fights the same battles, though the vocals are gone. Ever the loud sort, demanding to own the room, he now settles for owning the page. I’m glad he writes that he’s content with it.

Of course Roger was (and is) incredibly talented. Smart, too, with a prodigious memory (and enough bluster to cover any lapses). Essential skills for success, but that’s not why I remember him. Or why I treasure his books, his reviews, his thoughts.

It’s the passion that endures. Passion.

Passion makes movies worth seeing. Passion turns painting into art, gold into treasure, writing into literature. Passion makes any little thing worth everything. Passion.

When I look at movies now, my memories of Roger have become my rule of thumb. I ask myself, is this film pounce-worthy? Would it coax a tirade from anyone, make poets leap to desktops, raise voices in delight, in dissension, in discussion. Does the artist’s passion make me want to scream, strut, sing, slide their words around my mouth like honey….

If not, I don’t have room for it. I’m far too busy thinking of the way things should be. Thanks for that, Roger.


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Posted by Norman Berns in Creativity, Memory, passion | No Comments »

My Minnesota Christmas

December 26th, 2009

We had a Minnesota Christmas this year.  Or, at least, promises of one.

The weather gurus called for a foot of snow yesterday.  With urgent warnings, threats, and dire predictions for up to two feet more overnight….  Hurry, get inside, the storm is coming, the storm is coming.

The natives were so excited.  They went varooming up and down the streets, taking their four-wheel-drive manhood for test runs before the snow.  A bit fell. More all around us, but here we got dusted with, oh, four or five inches.   No matter, the four-wheelers varoomed back and forth.

Yesterday I cleared the driveway and the sidewalk with the snowblower.  That didn’t go as well as I’d hoped.  My snowblower’s new power cable snapped, the victim of parts imported from the low-bidder.  Spent three hours jury-rigging a patch that sort of makes the broken wire work again.   Except that it’s now two feet shorter and I’m forced to imitate a hunchback in order to make it go.  No matter.  I hunker down.  I’m ready for the BIG snow that’s coming.

By some perversion of the gods, the overnight temperatures go up instead of down.  Two feet of snow somehow ends up as a few sodden inches.  Which continues to fall, only now in some odd rain-snow-sleet mix.  No problem.  I have a repaired cable on the snowblower.  Off I go, bent like a wizened old warlock….

This is H E A V Y snow.  Ice-laden, sodden.  Dour snow.  I clean the patch by the garage so I can get to the wooden door to the back yard.  I open it at last.  And the door, half-frozen, ice-jammed, falls into pieces in my hand.  I’m left with one board and a handle.  The rest of the door lies in pieces in the snow….  I gather the cracked, frozen boards and carefully lay them aside for repairs in the Spring, should the rumors of a Spring turn out to be true.

The snowblower and I lunge ahead.  We are hurling snow to the side.  Hurling wet snow to the side.  Hurling ice to…  the….  We’re hurling nothing nowhere.  The snowblower jams, ice packed.  I turn it off, clear the blades and turn it on.  The success is momentary.  Off again, clear, back on.  Off.  Clear.  On.  Off clear on.  Offclearon….  After six or seven rounds, the chute is finally open enough to push out a piece or two of ice-packed snow.

I have conquered Winter.  I move forward.

The snowblower jams again.

Again.

Again.

I give up.  I shovel the walk by hand.  It is now raining with a sense of urgency.  That stops, only to be replaced by wet snow.  No, that’s rain.  Oh, now ice….  How nice.  It’s about 35 degrees.  Sweating under three layers of heavy clothes to keep me safe & warm from the bitter cold that isn’t, I’m now soaked, in and out.  I’m now shoveling frozen water from the sidewalk, like the debris from a thousand discarded Slushies….

I lug the frozen snowblower back to the garage.  Slowly.  I give it a nice warm place.  I peel off my clothes and hang them up to dry, neighbors be damned.

I’m in.  The snow/rain/sleet is out.  Alicia’s been cooking all day, oblivious to my sodden adventures out our door.  Netflix delivered yesterday. Kieslowski’s Bleu.  Rouge and Blanc are due tomorrow.  I find a safe, warm corner and get the movie set.  Alicia brings her heart-and-soul disguised as food.  It melts the leftover ice in my veins and makes the outside world disappear.  That’s all we need, you know.  A safe, warm corner, love, good food, great art.  Snow and ice be damned.  All’s right with the world, I tell you, all’s right with the world.

And to all, a very merry Christmas….


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Posted by Norman Berns in 2010 | No Comments »

The Future is Coming, the Future is Coming….

December 24th, 2009

No doubt the year ahead will be no less interesting than the year behind.  For good or bad, the universe sorta works that way.  I suppose it’s also true that the future wants to (as it always has) come rushing toward us like a puppy, head over heels, panting for love, yapping for attention and peeing all over itself (and us) from the pure joy of its arrival.

Puppy love or not, this year I find myself twisted inside-out, turned into a scowling cynic.  Well, as twisted as ever, but more cynic than usual.

Now that Big Business owns the future, I fear that innovation is no longer really real.  Instead of leaping into our arms, the future gets doled out to us when some Suit decides the time is right (or the money rich enough) for an unseemly profit.  And what we’re being sold (most times) are bargain-priced replicas of the promised goods.  Somewhere, I’m sure, someone somewhere really owns the real thing, but most of us get low-cost floor-sweepings from cheapo-land.  Not only has Big Business sold our jobs, they’ve outsourced the future to the lowest bidder.

Why so bitter?  In this week alone, a computer monitor died (moments after its warranty expired), a TV went blank (because Dell opted to use the cheapest possible chips) and my recently-replaced snowblower cable shredded and snapped (I now fear we import our wires, too).  I’m frozen in place wondering what wonder of modern technology will implode next, its obsolescence carefully planned even as it was being born.

With all that in mind, these are my visions of the near future.  Now do your part.  Hurry, hurry, buy lots of stuff now so that everything can break in time for whatever waits in the wings.

1. HDTV pales next to Ultra-DTV™, which will be announced late in 2010, just in time for the next round of Holiday shopping.

2. More Hollywood films will shoot and deliver in 3D while lame adventures in 4D will go back to whatever dimension brought them.  Will anyone care about the story anymore?  Or just the space it lives in?

3. An Astonishing New Camera will manage to make Ultra-Def™ Video look better, brighter, bolder than film.  Film gasps on, even as its image slowly fades away.  Film is so 20th century anyway.

4. After six months & seven updates, the original version of The Astonishing New Camera will sell at Wal-Mart for $100 ($99 at Costco).

5. The netbook will grow smaller and smaller until it finally morphs into a smart-phone that slides into a shirt pocket.

6. A shirt-pocket-sized, solid-state drive holds two hours of Ultra-Def™ video.  It sells for $100.  Cheapo-land is named the exclusive manufacturer of shirt-pockets; price rises precipitously.

7. The Next Big Thing is the One-Com©.  This amazing wonder shoots 3D stills & Ultra-Def™ video.  It delivers concert-hall-quality sound, includes script writing software, an edit bay and a telescope.  Even has a decent phone.

8. Someone finally figures out what kind of movie actually looks great on a wristwatch. Big Business sells lots of new Wristies© as Hollywood churns out endless new shows and millions watch.  Meanwhile filmmakers keep waiting, keep waiting, keep waiting for their residuals.

9. Film unions begin to disintegrate as more indie productions shoot with more indie crews.  Farewell pensions, bye-bye health-care, so long retirement.  And everyone wonders when their deferred wages will arrive.

10. Cloud computing wins. No one owns anything.   Hardware downloads everything from the ether. Big Business sells access to lots of clouds.  Everyone else gets water vapor.

11. With ever-lower prices on hardware, Everyman is finally able to electronically encode endless images of everything.  The results flood We-Tube©. We watch, eyes crossed.  A rare few still make movies, even fewer remember what a real movie really is.

12. And as the year staggers toward the wings, I’ll have become a year older, though that’ll have little impact on me or the world.

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Posted by Norman Berns in 2010, Big Business, Cheap, Greed, Obsolescence | 6 Comments »

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